cupcakes!

god good i have very little to do in the day right now.

so here is my new gluten free chocolate cupcake recipe. this time i'll list the ingredients. and it's a batch of 12 not 24 because i was short on gluten free flour, so c'est la vie. this is a 'synergistic' blend of two independent recipes meant to ensure successful partnerships and collaborations.

ps. i quit my job last week.

so, first mix up your dry ingredients. they are:

1 c gluten free flour mix of some sort ( i used 3/4 c of the stuff from the store and then 1/4 c of the masa harina used to make tamales. little worried about the tamale flour. we'll see what happens)
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tbsp baking powder (note the tbsp for this one, oh baking, how you foil our simple ways)
1/2 tsp xantham gum. seriously. xantham gum. apprently it is a celiacs best friend because it binds things. jason used it with flour free gravy the other day and it was awesome!)
1/2 c cocao.
1/2 tsp salt. (if you only have rock salt like us crush it first in the mortar. if you only have rock salt like us, your should have a mortar).

i like to mix it all in the sifter thing. do this twice because you are concerned about the use of the masa harina. consider a third run through but realise there is already flour all over the counter, floor and in your hair. put bowl of dry ingredients in the dining room since there is no free counter space. seriously, you made so many dishes earlier today during the 'let's make kimchee at home' experiment. not to mention the bottles of fermenting kimchee. being unemployed rocks.

now, the wet ingredients. here we need:
1/4 c butter
3/4 c sugar
2 eggs
1/3 c fat free yogurt or sour cream
1/2 c milk
1 tsp vanilla

so start by pulling out your handy new hand mixer (black and decker pro) that you picked up at crappy tire on sale the other day. marvel at the fact that it comes in a carrying case. admire the beaters. attach beaters. plug in. put butter in a bowl and start hand mixer to 'cream' butter. realise OHMYFUCKINGGODTHEHANDBLEND

ERISINSANE. turn off hand blender. think perhaps you turned it up to high. try to use again. OHMYGODIT'SSTILLCRAZY. turn off hand blender. call husband from kitchen to give you the directions. check to make sure the settings aren't backwards. have husband act a tad patronizing when he offers to try it for you. add the sugar to the butter. have husband turn on hand blender. watch it still act like a crazy mofo but he's not going to give up. pick butter out of hair. tell him thank you for the demo, you can take it from here. unplug handblender and remove all evidence of it's existence. i recommend the porch. it is evil. get fork and squish up butter bits with sugar. mix two eggs up in a separate container because of paranoia and then add with rest of wet ingrediants (did you notice the part where sugar is a wet ingrediant? wierd eh? again with the baking not making sense).

mix up all the wet stuff. quickly throw all egg touched items into sink of hot water (scalding actually, in my family you couldn't bake without the sink being full of scalding hot water to throw dishes into). now get your dry ingredients and start to mix into the bowl of wet stuff. mmmm. now it looks good. this is what you've been thinking about for days. throw empty bowl into previously mentioned scalding water. mix up everything until it turns into chocolate goo. observe, but do not judge, the irony of being paranoid about the raw eggs but having no qualms about eating the batter raw. how does the addition of cocao and flour make it okay? t'is the mystery of batter. enjoy.

grab a cupcake tin and the almost used up butter stick. try to replicate another childhood baking memory of using butter foils to grease the cupcake tin. consider that this butter foil still has 1/4 of a stick in it. put stick in one of the cupcake holes to rest while you use the foil to grease the other ones. realise there is not enough butter on foil and use stick of butter on last few. realise that was much more effective and perhaps start off that way next time.

spoon batter into tray (did you remove the butter stick and foil?). attempt to distribute batter evenly until you realise it is futile, and anyway, who said life is fair and this isn't communist russia and noone really got evenly distributed cupcakes there anyway.

struggle between maximising cupcake size and ensuring adequate leftover batter in the bowl. have concern as well for the chunks of butter that never quite 'creamed' (heh).

put cupcakes in the preheated oven (350). realise that oven is not preheated. seriously? i did turn it on. but is gas oven. it didn't catc. you've been poisining yourself while making cupcakes. consider the humanity. turn on oven. putz around. put cupcakes in oven.

cook for 20 minutes. while cooking, type of the recipe so you don't forget.

apparently, cupcakes are done when they are 'springy' approx 20-25 minutes. i am going to take them out at 20 mins and eat them regardless. seriously, the most dangerous part is the raw egg and i'm sure it's more cooked now then it was when i licked it out of the bow.

ice, or don't.

for a coconut version, add coconut.

picture to follow!
or not. i forgot, batteries dead in the camera.

eat!

Alright, here is the much promised recipe for bliss balls.  I debated calling them 'Balls that won't make you sick unless you're allergic to seeds, nuts, coconut or dates' but bliss balls seems to be more appealing.

So, first step is to get your hands on1/2 kilo pitted and dried dates (or about 4 cups).

Take the dates and smush them up into a food processor or hand blender-esque thing.  If using a hand blender esque machine, you should do them in small batches and perhaps rinse out the container after 2 rounds to make sure it doesn't get too sticky and make strange noises.  Usually this hasn't happened to me but it did this time since i was making twice as much as usual....

You should process them (use the pulse motion) until they roll themselves into a ball.  Beware of the pits that were not in fact pitted - I found 2.  This is why you smush them first with your hands.

*I forgot to mention the important step of really washing your hands and removing rings because this is going to get messy.  dates are very very sticky.  perhaps even wear a headband because my hair kept slipping into my eyes and i had to get jason to tuck it behind my ear because i was covered in datey goodness*

By this time the dates should be some sort of paste without big chunks.  I mixed in 1 tablespoon of tahini (but you can use any nut butter) to get that nutty flavour throughout.  The easiest way to mix is to flatten the paste out and stick the tahini on top and then mix and mix with your hands.  It's like kneading dough except that you aren't making gluten so it doesn't get all connected and smooth.  Outside will be smooth, but the mixture will still crack in the middle.  oh and it's also not like dough because it's dates.

Next, take toast your favorite nuts and seeds.  I did 1/2 c pumpkin seeds, 1/4 sunflower, about 1tbsp sesame seeds, 1/3 c cashews and 1/3 c almonds.  Remember that little things toast faster than big things and toast accordingly.  Use a dry pan on low heat.  Stir a lot.  Do not walk away.  You want them to turn colour a little but not burn!  They will keep toasting after you turn off the burner so transfer right away to your food processor tool of choice.  The sesame seeds will totally burn if on too long, so I will repeat, do not ignore!

Next blend up your nuts and seeds - you should have about 1 1/3 cups or so. And then toast up 1/3 c of shredded coconut (unsweetened).  I do the coconut separately because i really worry about it burning.

So this next part becomes a personal choice of how you want to mix it all.  I flatten all the date paste again and then throw the warm and toasty (and great smelling) coconut on top and then fold in much like the tahini.  Usually this is done in a nice sized mixing bowl.  After that is time to mix in the seeds and nuts.  Before i used to throw all the nut/seed mixture in with the coconut and then try to mix it all, but this time i did it for each individual ball and i think it was faster and didn't take longer.  i moved the paste to one side of the bowl and then threw 1/3 of my nut/seed mix into the other part of the bowl.  This way i could take about 1/2 tablespoon of paste and squish it into the seeds (flatten it again and it will pick up the bits of goodness) and then squish it all up and then roll into a ball in my hands.  If you are mixing in too much nuts, the ball breaks apart. (nuts and balls, nuts and balls).   Too little and it's really just a date ball.  Usually about halfway through I realise that the first 3 balls are too date heavy and i re-do them.  Meh, is meditative or something i figure.  when rolling in your hand you get a feel for the right consistancy.  if you are right on the cusp of too little paste you can ususally just push the ball together and it's fine. 

with this much ingrediant, you can get between 12 and 24 balls depending on how big or small you want them to be.  don't worry if you change partway, the paste actually works better the more you work it, so if you are like me and get to the end and realise you made some that were way too big, just break them up and rework them.  I like to max out the nuts and seeds in them - the date paste is just a binder (yet a tasty binder at that).  if you don't mix in enough nuts and seeds it can also taste a bit too date-ish.

I didn't mention it but as you run out of nut and seed mixture, add more.  The bonus of adding it in as needed is if you are like me and you actually made too much, you will have some left over and you can just throw in the fridge to use on top of gratin or veggie bake or salad or something.  Somehow I ended up with 1 2/3 cups of nut/seed mix (apparently my math was bad) but that's okay, it tastes good on everything.

Next take a pic cause you are feeling oh so good about yourself.  Use your kitten ironing board as a backdrop. Then realise you've forgotten the cocao.

Sprinkle a teaspoon or so of cocao on top of bliss balls.  I tried to do this using a spoon and a sifter and totally dumped all the cocoa on like, 3 balls.  So if you do that, try to mix them all around afterwards.  the cocoa should stick.  The amount of cocoa is really subjective though, i like the contrast of the cocoa to the sweetness, but maybe its too much for you.  make a test one and see if you like it or not.  add less if you don't want it so strong.  meh, there's no accounting for taste. 

next, serve to people who are not allergic to nuts, seeds, coconuts, dates or anything else that you may have added.  the celiacs should love you though, as should the vegans.  for a raw version don't cook anything and if raw folk don't eat cocoa, then add whatever they eat instead. 

yummy.

bliss balls.

after receiving much praise take full credit for the creations, never remembering the woman who has slaved over at least 8 batches of these little buggers to get them right.  it's okay because she doesn't give any credit to the people who make them and sell them at grocery stores for 8x their price to produce.  seriously, these things are cheap.  2 bucks worth of dates, plus 2 bucks worth of nuts and seeds... first batch perhaps pricey if you don't have the ingrediants to start but after buying the supplies you should have enough for a few batches. 

also, use organic ingrediants if you want to be able to say, 'oh, and they're totally organic' to impress any of those people who get impresse by these things.  actually, there's nothing stoping you from saying that even if you've bought irradiated goodness from Walmart.  nothing but your conscience perhaps.  keeping you awake at night.

speaking of walmart we just got their flyer and found a clock that jason bought for half the price they are selling it for.  they are also selling a christmas village set complete with decked out walmart store in the middle.  register for the free expansion set of the village main street christmas scene, complete with boarded up windows and 'for lease' signs on all the little shops.

oh, and lisa - one of your friends at the bbq wanted the recipe.  i don't remember their name though...

can you freeze them?  good question.  i have frozen the date paste before (with tahini already added) and then defrosted in the fridge. it worked out fine.  i'm not sure about after you add the nuts and seeds.  i have one in the freezer right now and we'll see how it turns out in couple of days.

ta da!

the compassionate yogini

tomorrow i'm off to a yoga class again. i'm quite happy that i'm back in the land of classes and instruction and not just by myself in my room under a fan trying to keep myself from over extending due to the extreme flexibility brought about by tropical 'hot' yoga.  my last yoga abroad was held between malaria waves and apparently when you are about to relapse, you become somewhat delusional.  i remember being in forward fold (ie, bent over at the waist staring at my knees) and thinking, wow, like, i am soooo flexible right now. this is soooo awesome.  and i put my palms on the floor and bent my elbows and stretched the hell out of my back body.  but it felt great. i felt awesome.  that was the same yoga session where i went into shoulder stand, and again was like dude, this is totally amazing.  and here's where the oncoming fever delusion starts to be more obvious.  when i noticed some of my hair was caught under my shoulder, i decided i could just remove one hand from the small of my back, roll onto my right side and lift my left shoulder off the floor to move my hair.  seconds later, i found myself standing up and realised i had just completed my first backwards somersault in decades.

i then spent 2 weeks alternating malaria medication with painkillers to try to deal with the totally throbbing pain in my right shoulder/neck/head and i've spent the 4 months since dealing with tendinitis in my right hamstring (the forward fold was apparently overdone).

they were my first yoga injuries ever.  and i totally blame them on malaria.  i remember the three days after one course of treatment, and before the fevers told me that my blood parasites had returned.  i. felt. amazing.

i. was. deluded.

anyway, back to the present.  yoga classes huzzah.  there is one class i go to each week that i love and the instructor is great and i feel challenged.  her class provides such amazing preparation for meditation that i have trouble staying present during the poses because i cannot wait for savatsana. 

the other class i'm in is a bit less excitement generating.  it's a beginners class but strangely, the teacher spends very little time discussing modifications or giving those crucial hints to becoming aware of your body.  in my other class, the teacher will ask questions at those crucial moments, like, where is your hip, and i'm like, damn, my hip is flying away. but for some reason, the beginner class, not so much.  and i was totally distracted in the last class by this super stress woman sitting next to me.  she was uber athlete girl, there with a purpose, and goddamit, she would reach that goal whatever it was.  and i know i've got a rep for being competitive, but uh, this was crazy.  we were in tree pose, and i moved my foot to my thigh, so she did too (and then proceeded to hop around her mat).  i came out of downward dog at one point because i was tired and she quickly followed until she looked up and realised everyone else was still in dog and i was collapsed on my mat.  during two knee twist she wrenched her knees so far into her armpits that she couldn't keep them there, and they kept dragging down the floor but she'd grab them and yank em back up. ugh. 

and my big challenge in yoga is to let go, focus on my practice and not get distracted by other people - especially by people who i decide are acting like ass hats.  terrible isn't it?  whenever the teacher says, 'go ahead, noone is here to judge' i can't help by remark (in my head) well, uh, i didn't come here with the sole intention to judge, but i am here, and i do judge and i know it makes me a bad person but, well, i just wanted to be clear.  it's not like i plan to judge, and i really try to talk myself out of it.  but i do. when i see people doing things that i interpret as dumb, i judge them.  my tolerance does not extend... but the guy in front of me who was at his first class and was totally tight in the hips, i didn't get snarky about him.  the super yogini to the front and side who could glide through vinyasa made me feel no ill will.  but this girl - i totally felt like i was at a stop light and she was revving her yogi engine, daring me to move my hips closer to the mat.  i try to be a big person, i do. all during this class i would repeat simple phrases in my head, trying to stop myself from caring about what she was doing.  but i am, i must say, with faults.  and everytime this woman wrenched her body, her big plastic bangles would clang (oh yes, she was wearing bangles) and i would desperately try to be a better person. but i have learned from yoga.  i must learn to realise where i am, where my mind is, where my soul is.  i am petty.  i have awareness of that.  i am at peace with that.  i can just let it go.

summer in the city...

is a song that would make me cry when i was away. i would lie in bed at night, covered in a single sheet (because it makes me feel comforted), under a manic fan (because it was 28 degrees in the dead of night), and listen to regina spektor lament for a love who was not present. those lyrics, combined with the corporeal remembrance of sea breezes and walking over bridges in sunlight at 9PM and eating grilled food and drinking wine on balconies... it was too much. i wanted white light reflected off city pavement. i wanted to go to festivals. i wanted to see my friends and eat too much and stumble home with jason. i wanted to eat raspberries from my grandparents' farm. i wanted to be home.

and now i am.

i'm home. and although the past two months did not go exactly as i'd planned, they were wonderful. and i waver between sweet relief to be back, to agony over leaving. when i said goodbye to the team of nurses and doctors and counselors and support staff, i was not exaggerating or lying when i said that i was devastated to go. but i had to leave to come home, which is where i wanted most to be.

so here i am.

and i shall be writing oh so much in the future. quantity has never been an issue for me.

a different kind of annual

so yes, i know there is noone here anymore, but i don't care. i'm doing my post for the year.

quick update, back from a country, and awaiting a visa for another. learning to decode cultural changes quickly. it's incredible how quickly things change here in canadia... and how obvious the changes are when you get the snapshots every year or so.

neato thing number 1: using canvas bags for your groceries no longer makes you a freak! they are everywhere!!!! woot woot. i like this. it makes sense. as does people asking 'do you need a bag', not assuming, and as does discounts for using your own bags. but you know what doesn't?

stupid thing number 1: megastores that charge you for plastic bags!!! cheap bastards. and i don't mid occasionally picking up the plastic bags when i forget the canvas.. because after living for a year in a country without plastic bags, i've learned the value of a couple hanging around under the sink (makes taking your shampoo back to canada a lot easier with that plastic bag...). and really, megastores are not a friend of the environment, so them passing the buck is dumb.

neato thing number 2: the carbon tax. i know, who knew i would ever support a liberal policy, but ha! i do. blah blah, a thousand ways they could have done it better, but they dropped the right tax brackets, and they taxed the right thing: gas. so yeah, i'm cool with it.

stupid thing number 2: the response of the ndp. meh. also stupid, the continued environmental policies of the liberals. i like the carbon tax, but i hate hate hate the rest of their response.

neato thing number 3: heather mallick is still writing for cbc. i know this isn't a change but i am soooo happy about her continued articles.

stupid thing number 3: cbc felt the need to buy into some ill-conceived notion of 'modern-blog-democratic-media-interaction' which led to a comments section added to all the news stories. i read blogs for blogs. i read cbc for the work done by journalists. i don't want to get to the end of the story to hear some dumbass who spends all his time trolling the stories waiting for the chance to spew some racist/sexist/ignorant crud and feel like he's involved. jesus, at least make people take the time to write something and email it to someone or something so that i'm not subjected to every wackjob with too much time on his hand's opinion. meh.

hm.. i've ranted for a while now haven't i. anyway, that's it for at least a while :)

bloggy blog

hello

well i have a new blog i've been using... if you want the address, leave me a comment and use your email with it so i can respond please!

cheers

i posted this on the wrong blog

while in the uk airport, the blogger services were all in german. so i accidentally posted this entry on the page i made a few months ago but never used. oops.

Monday, March 19, 2007

6 minutes until takeoff?

as jason and i have settled in quite nicely to the heathrow airport (and by settled in, i mean paid for an hour of internet access) i'm curious whether or not our flight will in fact take off in, well, i guess what is now 5 minutes. we are en route to amsterdam after a nice weekend in cumbria (outside carlisle to be specific, at a dairy farm where my friend clare and her family lives)

doh, flight is now being called. we've already been delayed 1.5 hours so i guess they are determined to get us out before the dreaded 2 hour delay point at which we get to demand vouchers etc.

so gotta run

talk to you all later,
julia and jason

and we're off...

our flight leaves in 2 and a half hours... i'll post real soon :)

bah humbug

well it's officially not international women's day anymore. so the big long analysis of feminism and such that i'm half done is not getting posted. i'd like to pretend it's because i want to illustrate how every day should be a day to reflect on these issues, but really, it's because i spent the entire morning at a cafe drinking coffee, trying (and failing) to use their free wireless all because i was hiding from the mouse and his arch nemesis, the pest control guy.

hiding from the mouse was for an obvious reason, but hiding from the pest control guy had much to do with the current state of our apartment*.

and with it being international women's day, one might presume that it is anti-feminist to hide from the pest control man who was coming to set traps because my house was too messy. one might presume that i feared he would see the messiness as a reflection on me, my skills as a homemaker, and my value as a woman. one might presume that i need to throw off the shackles of gendered concepts of the private sphere and gendered values and desired traits based on genitalia. but one would be wrong.

i was really worried he'd think badly of jason.


* to picture the apartment, just think of how my homes looked before jason moved in. scary i know...

my stop gap measure

well the kittens never showed (for good reasons i guess, the one who was going to come live with us got adopted instead) and the mouse problem has continued. but now there is a new bitch in town and her name is lulu. lulu's mama ms. jess is at work today, and we realised we could solve lots of problems if she let her puppy come stay with me during the day. so far today we have walked to my doctors office, gone to starbucks, and spent an hour in the park hanging with a very nice man and his doggy pasha. the good thing is pasha liked chasing a ball, and lulu liked chasing pasha. so now lulu is all exhausted and i'm going to read a book. and maybe even put some nice posts up here since i can write without worrying the damned mouse is going to attack me and eat my toes while i'm lost in the world of verbosity. (you have to be in that world to even think of using words like 'verbosity' which may not even be a real word in most other places).

and only 9 days* until we leave for bangladesh!!!!

*if the visas come through on time :)